Have you ever received a great gift or given one? My wife is awesome at gift-giving. Me, not so much. I try hard – keeping track of things we see throughout the year at stores that she likes and asking close friends and family what might be the right gift for her this year. I do better on some holidays than others and in some years than others – that’s for sure. One year, I got a pro tip from a family member and got my wife… wait for it… a vacuum cleaner. Well, can I just say that gift sucked – literally and figuratively. I’ve learned to do much better through the years!
I have some friends that look at Valentine’s Day as a produced Hallmark holiday. On the one hand, I get that. There are too many “holidays” these days. On the other hand, I like to look at it as a love opportunity! Valentine’s Day is undoubtedly in the mainstream category by now.
For those of us desiring to be the best Godly Leaders that we can be, Valentine’s is an essential chance to step back and step up – and the reality is that many of us can do better! My wife and I have learned that gift-giving is one minor part of a healthy, romantic, growing, dynamic, and Godly relationship. We’ve made it almost 33 years married together, and here are some essential practical pointers for this Valentine’s season to keep your marriage dynamic and Godly!
#1 – REVIEW YOUR CALENDAR AND BANK ACCOUNTS TOGETHER – OFTEN.
So much of life is time and money. I really don’t understand why so many married couples don’t know each other’s calendars intimately, don’t review their calendars weekly, and do things with money like keeping separate bank accounts. On the calendar front it is tedious, I get it. But it is essential to be in lockstep with what you’re each doing and doing together as a married unit. You are no longer two but one. Another pro tip – don’t make calendar commitments without first asking your spouse.
The same applies to money – you are no longer two but one. Make sure that your wills, trusts, bank accounts, etc. are together. You may have separate Venmo’s for practical sake, but the accountability of what is spent in those accounts needs to be discussed (not argued) regularly (at least weekly). Create a budget, stick to a budget, and review your budget at least weekly. Commit together to be tithers to your local church (the first 10% of all of your income) and to be generous above and beyond your tithe as a couple. As financial guru Dave Ramsey says, “Live like no one else so that you can give like no one else.”
Money is the #1 cause of divorce. Jesus speaks to money more than anything else by far. Godly Leader, if you want a dynamic and Godly marriage, it is essential that you and your spouse review your calendar and bank accounts together – and often.
Matthew 19:6, “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
#2 – STAY ROMANTIC AND SURPRISING
You remember those notes you put in the car, on mirrors, in lunches, etc., when you first got married or were dating. Remember the thought and planning into dates and romantic getaways as well. As a pastor for 30+ years, I can say that part of what happens in marriages over the years is the excitement – romance and surprise – wears off. A married couple’s lives can become about their kids and then when they’re out of the house, they realize they’re no longer in love. Love is a commitment for sure – but you MUST make your marriage your second priority to God.
When was the last time you got away for a long weekend? When did you last surprise your spouse with a note, gift for no reason, or surprise date? Write down the concept and make plans now to do something this week for Valentine’s and then in a month when it’s not Valentine’s.
I strongly encourage couples to have a weekly date, quarterly weekend, and annual vacation together. These don’t have to cost a lot of money. Sometimes, you will want to splurge for fun and to make a special memory. But breakfast or coffee dates, a date night at home, or even a local Airbnb can be inexpensive ways to stay romantic and surprising. Have little ones at home, swap babysitting with another couple, or just reevaluate your budget. I bet there are some things you’re spending money on that could or should be spent on babysitting to keep your marriage dynamic!
It is essential that Godly Leaders live out Song of Solomon 3:4 – I have found the one my soul loves – and that special care of that one! The old joke is that I told you once at the altar I love you, and if anything changes, I’ll let you know. While kind of funny, that is not how we take care of the one our soul loves!
#3 – LEAD YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR FAMILY SPIRITUALLY
Men, I’m talking to you for a moment. Way too often, our wives are the family spiritual leaders, know the Bible much better than us, pray more, lead the family in going to church, have to beg us to get into a small group, etc. First, way to go if you’re a spiritually-leading wife! I’m proud of you! Second, men step up! Scripture points over and over again to men stepping up when it comes to their family’s spiritual lives. Start with yourself – instead of another round of golf, game on the PS5, working extra hours again, or watching one more show, get into the habit and discipline of daily time in the Word. Then begin slowly – one step at a time – and lead out in prayer with your spouse and family. The old phrase is, “The couple that prays together stays together.” There’s a lot of truth to that. Grow from once a month, to once a week, to even daily.
Wives, you don’t hold back – grow in your relationship with the Lord, pray for your husband, and look for ways to grow spiritually together. You don’t hold back – you pray that he catches up.
For both husband and wife, this is not a competition; this is servant leadership realizing that life is way too challenging to live without the Lord’s help. Seek him first, second, and always.
Matthew 6:33 tells us the essential priority of prayer for the Godly Leader – Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
#4 – FIGHT SMART
Fighting smart as a Christian couple means approaching conflicts with love, patience, and respect, guided by biblical principles. It involves focusing on the issue, not attacking each other’s character, and seeking resolution rather than winning the argument. Couples are called to forgive, communicate honestly, and practice humility, allowing God’s grace to lead their discussions. Instead of letting anger control them, they can pray together, listen actively, and seek mutual understanding, fostering a stronger, more compassionate relationship built on faith and trust.
The bottom line is when you start to fight, and we all do, buy some time – walk away for just a few minutes if you need to. Buying time before you speak will save you from much regret. Buy time and talk later about the topic when emotions aren’t so high. Godly Leader, it is also essential that we apply the golden rule. How do we want to be treated – with respect, kindness, love, and grace? Then, do so for your spouse in those heated moments. Stop and pray by yourself or with your spouse (if it’s possible, in the moment), and ask God to bring resolution, wisdom, and peace. One couple decided they’d apply a version of Ephesians 4 in their marriage – not going to bed angry. The problem was they stayed up for three straight days! Fight smart – with love, prayer, buying time, and being fair.
Ephesians 4:26-27: “In your anger, do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Okay, Godly Leader, I know you desire to keep your marriage dynamic and Godly. It is essential to apply these practical steps. Start this Valentine’s season by applying one or two of these practical tips, and then apply additional tips over the next few weeks and months. Love is a gift from the Lord; make the most of that gift so that you can keep your marriage dynamic and Godly.
We could talk a lot more on this topic, but we’ll leave it there for now. What are your thoughts or questions? Leave them in the comments. If you found this blog helpful or thought-provoking, please subscribe below to receive a new blog in your email every other Tuesday morning. Also, if you think this blog would benefit others, please share it on social media or tell a few friends about it!
Love being on this Essential Godly Leadership journey with you!
Essential Godly Leadership: “Leading your life, your family, your work, your relationships, and your world in a way that is seeking wisdom from, and pleasing to, the Lord Jesus.”